29 September 2005

Musings of a muddled mind

I really enjoy reading Jay Nordlinger's Impromptu's over at National Review. So I thought I'd post a short one of my own. This was an email to my wife, it was her idea for me to post it to my blog, so here goes................

I'm sure I might offend a few people, but I am what I am. I believe in social justice, just not that liberal pansy ass way of doing it. If it takes a war and money to free people, then surely God's reward in the Kingdom of Heaven for having fought the good fight must mean more than a little extra money in your pocket.

I'm actually leaving for tikrit in a few hours here, might stay until Saturday, don't know yet. Anyway, absolutely nothing to do anymore in Kirkuk, so I surf amazon and check out stuff I might want in the future or just read what other people have to say about stuff I like. I bought another thing or two off of amazon but it's not expensive. I think I have spent like 80 dollars total on amazon for like 5 things. I am going to stop as I think I have everything I want. I smacked my thumb on something, one side of it hurts, who knows what I did to it, but I did something.

Anyway don't sweat work, it's a learning process, every trainer went through it. I know you are doing as awesomely as you can, I believe in you, I personally know you could do anything in the world you want to. I have a deal to make with you, I'll work on my blog as often as I can when I get home if you sing more. I don't care if you sing to me in the car or sit down with your guitar and just sing church songs or whatever you know. I just want to hear you sing. I learn a lesson everytime I come over here, it's kind of weird and amazing and scary and cool all at once. The lesson I am learning this time is to always say exactly what I mean and to not hold anything back. You think at the age of 30 I would know that, but alas I don't. Hence the reason for God teaching me. :)

I also want to make sure that I do everything in life that I want to. It does make you wonder, what part of us programs our brains to not try everything in life we want to. At a certain age we stop trying new things and settle into a rut we call a routine and somehow convince ourselves we are happy there. Well I don't want that to happen to us, so let's make sure we always understand that life is a never ending series of adventures that enrich us whether we win or lose at them. I was going to say succeed or fail, but I don't know how to spell succeed, so I went with win or lose.

On a side note, I have noticed myself less and less in love with "conservatives" that I use to think of as fellow sojourners. That's not to say that liberals make me feel any better, and the terms "independent" or "moderate" aren't really indicative of what I believe in. I think I am either going to have to invent my own political label or something. The thing about liberals I don't like is that they have been bamboozled into thinking that not helping others in need or facing oppression is the same thing as being a pacifist. It's not! It just means that you are so naive that you cannot see the evil forests of tyranny and oppression for the trees of Saddam and Bin Laden. Moderates just want everyone to get along and that's not always possible. As for conservatives, there are two kinds that I have only recently seen the differences between. There are the fiscal conservatives whose God is money and selfishness and there are the Christian conservatives who are willing to bear the burden to achieve social justice, whatever the personal cost. Many in the military seem to socially conservative, if only the general population was as noble, you know what I mean?

EDIT: I am still a conservative and I do realize money doesn't grow on trees, but the fiscal attitude of some of my conservative brothers and sisters is disheartening.

Something else I have realized recently, well two things actually; Number one, if two men or two women want to get married, why should I care? I hope they are happy with each other and have a long and happy marriage. I used to be against gay marriage, but how can I claim to be fighting or supporting the fight for freedom for all of God's children if I am going to say that some can't get married because they are the same gender. Am I hypocritical much? The same goes for abortion, I am personally against it, but it's no one's business other than a woman, her doctor, and God. The three of them can work it out without my scorn or Government's permission. Again how can I want freedom for the women of Islam, (something I have written about a few times) if I am trying to control women in America? The truth is I can't feel that way about abortion if I want all women to be free to make their own lives.

Sorry I know this is a bit rambling, but I had a lot on my mind today......Yeesh get me listening to some mellow and haunting Bjork songs and I wax philosophical.

Enough of that, tommorrow is payday, so a big holla back for that. It means that in 2 more paydays I'll be on my way out of here and back to you and our little family. I am officially under 30 days by my calendar, so that is exciting in a "time moving slow as a glacier" kind of way. I miss you horribly and can't wait until we are just able to hold each other. That would be nice wouldn't it. BTW do you realize we have spent 25% of our lives together? How's that for a noodle baker?

Dallas Stars are looking good, lots of young guys playing this year. I would ask for the hockey package, but with the time difference from Hawaii to Texas I don't think it matters.

Emailed my mom and got a response, Port Arthur, Groves and Port Neches took a real beating, the eye went right over them. It's depressing to know that my childhood home has been changed forever. Memories of places that no longer exist or are damaged beyond repair. I wonder how the football stadium held up.

One more thing from the musings of my muddled mind. I love Hawaii and we are going to stay as long as we want to, but I miss the sky of Texas. I was watching "Friday Night Lights" which was shot around Austin, and they have these panoramic shots of the sky and it is so blue and open and the clouds are amazing. I miss it, I miss Austin! The sky here isn't even blue, it's this brown smudge with a trace of blue in the morning and I haven't seen a cloud since I left El Paso. Anyway there's that.

Just wanted to say hello and I love you. I'll send a "I'm here" when I get to Tikrit.

Love you,

P.S. The Bjork song is "Pagan Poetry" off of her Vespertine album. Not you cup of tea, but it is haunting and makes me feel better. So I believe that's good. Love you my hummingbird


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